“What if I really go to Carnegie Hall?”, I asked.
“You don’t have to think about that right now”, my teacher replied, laughing. I didn’t know then that I would really go to New York and perform in Carnegie Hall.
One day, I got a call from my violin teacher. I had waited for this call since the first round of the audition. If I passed, I would go to Carnegie Hall and perform. Although I was too nervous to get the call and hear the results, I picked up my phone with shaking hands. I pressed the ‘accept button’. ‘.....’
All I could hear was silence. Then, a delightful news broke the silence: “Seoyoon, you passed! Congratulations!” The news was delightful, but also gave me mixed emotions of happiness and worry. I knew this was a huge opportunity for me, but I was reluctant to go because of the burden that I should play flawlessly since it was hard for even world-class musicians to perform there.
The next day, something unexpected happened. My mom got the flu. Of course, I got it too, as I was together with my mom. I started panicking because we had less than 10 days before the performance. To overcome the situation, I tried my best to recover from the illness even though it seemed impossible due to the condition I was in. My temperature hit 40°C, and my body felt like a ton of iron that taking a single step was more of a challenge than taking my first baby steps.
Then, three days before our flight to New York, my body became lighter and healthier until I felt like a little bit of myself again as if a part of my soul had entered back into my body. Although I felt part of the burden and worry diminish, I was still nervous like the time I got that phone call. I consumed the prescription medicine. It was very bitter; I still remember the taste, and I hate to think of it. As the days progressed to the departure date I even had to take it on the airplane to maintain my health.
At last, we landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport. I was eager to go to the hotel after the long, never-ending flight. However, it felt as if a miracle played a magical role and by the next day, I was back to my usual self again. From then, my mom and I started going out to explore the new place. Of course, I practiced every day in preparation for the big day.
Finally, on the day of the performance, my body became cold as ice as I was waiting for my turn, thinking that everyone else was so good. When it was my turn, I walked up the stage with weight in my ankles. My hands were trembling. I sent a signal to my accompanist teacher and got my fingers ready. As soon as the prelude ended, I started playing. Even the smallest mistakes seemed so big that I thought I messed up.
In the end, I performed successfully despite the chaos of New York. Although I hated the violin at first, I gained confidence and believed that I still accomplished something. Now, I don’t love it, but I enjoy playing it more than before. Therefore, as I can see from my personal experience, I suggest that people should try first even though they hate it. Who knows if you might fall in love with it?
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